To: President Donald Trump
Launch Kirstie Alley Into Space
We the undersigned citizens of Teegeeack do hereby DEMAND that the Russian government utilize their Energia heavy lift booster to launch Scientology spokesperson Kirstie Alley in to space and to direct her invisible-murdered-space-alien-fragment-infested body toward the general direction of the Sun least her "Body Thetans" threaten to infect us all!
We of Teegeeack have had just about enough of her Scientology nonsense, and we DEMAND that SOMEBODY put a stop to it!
-- Xenu, Marcabian Fifth Invasion Force, Occupational Governor High Command
Why is this important?
I'm really tired of having Kirstie Alley's Body Thetans dripping all over the place, it's a health hazard, you know.